I recorded some thoughts about co-parenting on a blog I called Co-parenting in Peace back in 2009. Life got busy, my ego was too fragile, and only a few entries were made. Sadly, I've been unable to tap into which old email address was used to set it up and so have been unable to add to it, edit it, etc.
Anyway, here a link to the blog. And for the sake of the children, please, Co-Parent in Peace.
BTW still co-parenting in peace and so grateful.
Both sides now.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Thursday, July 7, 2016
racism, alton & philando
Last night I told my husband of Alton Sterling's horrific murder in Baton Rouge. This morning we woke to news Philando Castile's fatal broken tail light near St. Paul, MN. Tonight, police officers guilty of cold blooded murder are walking around their homes (or some other undisclosed location in order to preserve their safety) while the loved ones of these men attempt to simply continue breathing in order to function so their kids can rely on them. Alton Sterling was brutally murdered and Philando Castile carelessly or carefully killed. And my mind has been reeling about them.
In Alton Sterling's case, from what I could see in the bystander recorded video, the policemen restrained him, tasered him, wrangled him to the ground, place the barrels of their guns to his back and shot him dead. These events were decorated with random, strangely timed shouts of "he's got a gun"... but according to the video footage, there was no way in hell Mr. Sterling could have reached for a gun. He had been tasered and had a gun placed to his chest prior to the officers sounding off their scripted comment that somehow, in police brains, seems to be code for shoot and kill. The shouts sounded similar to lame dialogue that might be heard during a high school drama club scene of a police scuffle. The sound bites accompanying their actions might have worked had no one been taping their actions. But someone was taping,several people were, and their actions were a heinous crime committed on the grounds of racism and abuse of power.
Twenty-four hours later, my heart sunk as I learned of the death of Philando Castile, a fellow Minnesotan. Again, the policeman feigned lame dialogue, but this time it was only when he realized a witness was recording his actions. Prior to that he was acting on sheer abuse of power. At no time did the officer offer assistance to Philando, even though it was abundantly clear, he was not a threat. No, the officer remained on guard with his gun drawn on his near lifeless victim caring nothing about the young child he had just made witness to a murder and only caring about Philando's partner when he realized she was on her phone.
Then, the officer made himself sound like the victim - crying his words in shrill childlike screams that blame Philando for the situation. He then kept his gun pointing inside the car and did not serve or protect... he simply kept his gun aimed inside the car while a man died and a 4 year old girl watched from the backseat. At no time was there concern for the life lost, the lives of the people inside the car, the people he is paid to serve and to protect. Inhuman. Abuse of Power. Racism. Murder.
In the late 1990s, a family friend had returned from college at Louisiana State University. Along with her new southern accent, she brought her new southern boyfriend. He appeared normal, and then he started talk. He used the N word to describe people of color and I found it horrifying. I called him on it. He found my distaste for his vocabulary laughable at first and then determined he needed to educate me on his manner of thinking. He then told me how he and his buddies would try to drive black people off the road and shared that it did not matter how busy the road was, this kill game of theirs was always on and he appeared to get great enjoyment out of reliving it as he shared his story. I was stunned and horrified. After hearing him talk about the "all white" country club his family belonged to and how no (insert N word) would ever be allowed in said country club, I was left feeling angry, exhausted, broken hearted, and sadly aware that hate, bigotry, and prejudice had been washed over his mind since the moment he was born. This was generationally passed down to him. He knew no other way of thinking and certainly would never consider a life that includes respect for the lives of people collective. He truly thought of people of color as "the other" or I would argue "subhuman". In his mind there was only one color of people. Everyone else was game to him and apparently to the friends he grew up with. He made it clear to me that my thoughts about people being people no matter how they are packaged made me scum in his eyes. "You could kill someone driving them down on the highway!" I said. "Yes." he said.
When face to face with that mentality, well, I don't know that I can describe it, but I hated him. Shaking from frustration, shaking from newfound awareness and an altered world-view and shaking from realizing this guy's warped thinking is accepted and even lauded in parts of our country. My heart was pounding and broken.
But, that's the mentality Alton Sterling was up against. This was Baton Rouge, where young white men apparently try to kill black people with their cars, and think nothing of it - even share their "shenanigans" with strangers. That is the mentality Philando Castile was up against. No way would this white cop shot a white man with a beautiful girlfriend in passenger seat and a beautiful daughter in the backseat. No. Way. Alton and Philando were dead in the eyes of those cops prior to ever having eye contact with them. Their lives never mattered to those police officers. That's why they are dead.
Prejudice + Racism + Abuse of Power + Fear + Cowardice + Badge = Horror in Real Time.
Honor + Compassion + Wisdom + Control + Calm + Effective + Badge = Good cops
I know there are good cops out there. I personally know many. But after meeting the person described above, I also know there is a mentality out there that some/many people carry with them. I find it fortunate to know. Because I know, straight from the horse's mouth, of the hate out there, I am able to frame up the actions of a cop placing the barrel of a gun on a black man's back and firing. That's murder. Plain and simple. While we've made strides in civil rights, as with many civil rights categories: there's still more work to be done.
Thank God people are recording this stuff. There are huge pockets of our country that would completely deny these occurrences happened - video proof is just that. I'd love it the internet were wildly overflowing with positive cop encounters with black people. And maybe, if everyone who gets pulled over starts filming their encounters, we will will find that the good do indeed outnumber the bad.
Until then, enough of protecting cops when they are bad cops. We pay them to serve, to protect, to be the voice of reason, to be a safe positive force in our children's lives and to be in control of themselves so they can have control of situations that are out of control. Hate and fear fueled cops are certainly more menacing than a man selling CDs or a Montessori school nutritionist driving with a broken tail light and his small family in the car.
* I'm sure there are grammatical errors here... I just needed to get something out about all of this. It all just makes me shudder.
In Alton Sterling's case, from what I could see in the bystander recorded video, the policemen restrained him, tasered him, wrangled him to the ground, place the barrels of their guns to his back and shot him dead. These events were decorated with random, strangely timed shouts of "he's got a gun"... but according to the video footage, there was no way in hell Mr. Sterling could have reached for a gun. He had been tasered and had a gun placed to his chest prior to the officers sounding off their scripted comment that somehow, in police brains, seems to be code for shoot and kill. The shouts sounded similar to lame dialogue that might be heard during a high school drama club scene of a police scuffle. The sound bites accompanying their actions might have worked had no one been taping their actions. But someone was taping,several people were, and their actions were a heinous crime committed on the grounds of racism and abuse of power.
Twenty-four hours later, my heart sunk as I learned of the death of Philando Castile, a fellow Minnesotan. Again, the policeman feigned lame dialogue, but this time it was only when he realized a witness was recording his actions. Prior to that he was acting on sheer abuse of power. At no time did the officer offer assistance to Philando, even though it was abundantly clear, he was not a threat. No, the officer remained on guard with his gun drawn on his near lifeless victim caring nothing about the young child he had just made witness to a murder and only caring about Philando's partner when he realized she was on her phone.
Then, the officer made himself sound like the victim - crying his words in shrill childlike screams that blame Philando for the situation. He then kept his gun pointing inside the car and did not serve or protect... he simply kept his gun aimed inside the car while a man died and a 4 year old girl watched from the backseat. At no time was there concern for the life lost, the lives of the people inside the car, the people he is paid to serve and to protect. Inhuman. Abuse of Power. Racism. Murder.
In the late 1990s, a family friend had returned from college at Louisiana State University. Along with her new southern accent, she brought her new southern boyfriend. He appeared normal, and then he started talk. He used the N word to describe people of color and I found it horrifying. I called him on it. He found my distaste for his vocabulary laughable at first and then determined he needed to educate me on his manner of thinking. He then told me how he and his buddies would try to drive black people off the road and shared that it did not matter how busy the road was, this kill game of theirs was always on and he appeared to get great enjoyment out of reliving it as he shared his story. I was stunned and horrified. After hearing him talk about the "all white" country club his family belonged to and how no (insert N word) would ever be allowed in said country club, I was left feeling angry, exhausted, broken hearted, and sadly aware that hate, bigotry, and prejudice had been washed over his mind since the moment he was born. This was generationally passed down to him. He knew no other way of thinking and certainly would never consider a life that includes respect for the lives of people collective. He truly thought of people of color as "the other" or I would argue "subhuman". In his mind there was only one color of people. Everyone else was game to him and apparently to the friends he grew up with. He made it clear to me that my thoughts about people being people no matter how they are packaged made me scum in his eyes. "You could kill someone driving them down on the highway!" I said. "Yes." he said.
When face to face with that mentality, well, I don't know that I can describe it, but I hated him. Shaking from frustration, shaking from newfound awareness and an altered world-view and shaking from realizing this guy's warped thinking is accepted and even lauded in parts of our country. My heart was pounding and broken.
But, that's the mentality Alton Sterling was up against. This was Baton Rouge, where young white men apparently try to kill black people with their cars, and think nothing of it - even share their "shenanigans" with strangers. That is the mentality Philando Castile was up against. No way would this white cop shot a white man with a beautiful girlfriend in passenger seat and a beautiful daughter in the backseat. No. Way. Alton and Philando were dead in the eyes of those cops prior to ever having eye contact with them. Their lives never mattered to those police officers. That's why they are dead.
Prejudice + Racism + Abuse of Power + Fear + Cowardice + Badge = Horror in Real Time.
Honor + Compassion + Wisdom + Control + Calm + Effective + Badge = Good cops
I know there are good cops out there. I personally know many. But after meeting the person described above, I also know there is a mentality out there that some/many people carry with them. I find it fortunate to know. Because I know, straight from the horse's mouth, of the hate out there, I am able to frame up the actions of a cop placing the barrel of a gun on a black man's back and firing. That's murder. Plain and simple. While we've made strides in civil rights, as with many civil rights categories: there's still more work to be done.
Thank God people are recording this stuff. There are huge pockets of our country that would completely deny these occurrences happened - video proof is just that. I'd love it the internet were wildly overflowing with positive cop encounters with black people. And maybe, if everyone who gets pulled over starts filming their encounters, we will will find that the good do indeed outnumber the bad.
Until then, enough of protecting cops when they are bad cops. We pay them to serve, to protect, to be the voice of reason, to be a safe positive force in our children's lives and to be in control of themselves so they can have control of situations that are out of control. Hate and fear fueled cops are certainly more menacing than a man selling CDs or a Montessori school nutritionist driving with a broken tail light and his small family in the car.
* I'm sure there are grammatical errors here... I just needed to get something out about all of this. It all just makes me shudder.
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