Romusun: Live a Rainbow: December 2016

Growing out grey hair is not for the faint of heart. It is a strange process. It takes time and patience. It will test your self confidence. It will test your family... Now that it's finally over, I can't imagine putting dye on my hair. (Ok, I'm tempted to put in a little strip of purple on occasion).

I was a premature grayer... it runs in my family. My mom's hair was nearly all white by the time she was 35. Mine started greying at 20. The first dye job, when I was 21, was the beginning of a 21 year, constant relationship between me and the bottle.. Starting with Natural Instincts: Nutmeg, and occasionally going so dark as to the color today known as Ebony Mocha or something... back in my day, I believe it was coined Espresso. Years rolled along. Life's path took me to Minneapolis, MN, Sioux Falls, SD, Vermillion, SD, Boulder, CO, Pierre, SD, Spearfish, SD, and Bemidji, MN. Natural Insticts, Feria, Colorsilk, Excellence. The whole while, relationships with various men came and went, while my relationship with hair dye stayed in tact. Strong. Unwavering. Ugh.

Over the counter haircolors provided many years of happy hues. Around 2008, I began feeling guilty about the toxins I was massaging into my scalp. In attempt to give my tresses a break, I incorporated a henna cream instead of chemical dye every now and again. The henna was a bit messy, but easier on my soul... I was working 3 jobs, a full time grad student, grad assisting, teaching an undergrad course and a single mom to a three year old - regardless if it was natural or chemical, the keeping up with my roots started to get my goat. In my incredibly busy life, I routinely carved out time to hole up in the bathroom with a bottle of hair dye?! I could think of other ways to spend my time - healthier ways!

after each dye job, I felt good. Better. My hair felt smooth, was light reflective, shining, and looked longer and thicker. For about a week. After a week or so, the demarcation began. The white roots, in the earliest days, made it look like my hair was thinning, it broke up the richness of color near the scalp. Within days, the hair would grow to a point that my brown hair no longer connected with my scalp. In just a couple of weeks, the distance between the dark hair and my scalp was 3/4 inch. By the end of 2008, the "root touch ups" as they had begun to be called, were happening every three weeks.

I tried growing it out sometime in '09. That lasted a whole 8,maybe 10, weeks. My hair was shortish at the time. I tried the washouts and then tried just letting it grow. While it seemed harmless to me, this process was a little hard on the people around me. My boss, a woman, actually pulled me aside and said, "so what is going on with your hair?" She seemed surprised when I told her I was trying to grow out the grey. When telling my dear friend about the workplace lady, she responded with, "Katie you are too young to go gray. Wait til you're 50." Ugh. I wasn't sure I could wait til I was 40. 10 days after we spoke about it, I turned back to the bottle. And like an recovering alcoholic sipping her first drink in two months, it felt good but riddled with guilt.

By the fall of 2010, I found a great colorist. For three years, she amped up my faux brunette locks with light, carmelly-toned strips and rich,dark undertones. She made my hair look so good, people stopped me on the street to ask who my hairdresser was. She colored my hair approximately three times a year. But, between appointments, religiously, every three weeks, I dyed my roots at home.. pulling color thru the entire length of hair sometimes, sometimes just focusing on the root growth. My mom dyed my hair on her visits up north and it provided a carved, eh coiffed, time for us to hang. But, mom and daughter time that was so toxic we warned my owned daughter to stay out of the room. If the weather was good, we colored on the deck.

Got married in July of 2013 and by early 2014 I was feeling done with dying again. Went to Hawaii in March with the family. Naturally, I colored my hair two days prior to our trip. It would be the last time my hair would be colored at home.

2 years 3 mos growth

My good friend's dad was not well, and while I would have liked to have had made time to spruce up my roots, what I really needed was to get my butt to Iowa and pay a visit. No biggie, I wore a cute hat and took a bandanna.. by the way, now that I don't dye my hair, I do believe that many, er most, of the hats you see on women are covering up new growth. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Now that I don't dye my hair, I've just noticed I wear fewer hats, scarves, bandannas, etc.

The process of growing out grey hair is long, and I think it's harder on loved ones than on she who is growing out her hair. My mother sent my daughter home from a week long visit with a message for me: you'll look 10 years older if you fulfill this process. My sister, on several occasions throughout my life between dye jobs and while I was growing my hair out made clear her unease about the change to grey. But none of it mattered to me. I was done. If people had a problem with my hair, that would be their problem. The bottle battle was over. They would get used to my new look or they wouldn't.

I've been asked many times for advice on surviving the process of growing out grey hair. Here's my advice:

1. Don't get mad at yourself if you bail on the project. I tried a few different times in life to grow it out and I retreated. It simply wasn't "my time" yet. And that's ok. If you're losing your mind... dye that shiz! Be of sound mind about everything.
2. Understand that you're simply going to look strange for awhile. Hey, you survived 80's hair with one side short and the other long, you survived perms and strange bleach jobs. You'll survive this, too.
3. I made sure to tell my husband and my kid that I realized my hair looked odd during the process. Particularly for my daughter, I wanted her to know that it was ok for her to think my head looked odd.. Hell, it did. It helped them get through it. You're changing your entire look.... something they've been used to for years, be easy on 'em!
4. Wear hats. You have them, I know you do. If you are someone dying your hair to cover grey, I'll almost guarantee you've worn a hat to cover new growth. Buy a couple more.

4 mos growth

5. Talk to your stylist. Once it's grown in an inch or two, have him/her pull some highlights through your hair to lessen the demarcation. If you have a really great stylist, you may even be able to bleach then dye your hair grey to match the new growth (this wasn't really an option yet when I did mine, but more and more stylists are doing grey/silver hair on clients these days, so investigate)
6. Don't look in the mirror too much... particularly in in the deep of winter when your face is pasty white and your hair is half one color and half another. It just is tough on the psyche.
7. Start a Pinterest board of women with great grey hair so you have some inspiration and can keep your eye on the prize. Here's a link to mine. If that doesn't work, I'm Romusun C on Pinterest and the Board is called Grey Inspiration.

You'll get there if you want to. I did.

A few months ago, I was talking to my daughter about hair dye and said, "who knows, maybe when I'm in my 70s, I'll start dying my hair again. Life is a long time." She responded with, "well, you can't dye it now. You've inspired a bunch of moms in my school alone to stop dying theirs. You're an inspiration!"

An inspiration to be authentic... I'll take it and run with it!

3 mos growth

And here are a couple pics of the process. It's interesting. The brown hair picture...I'd literally dyed my hair two days prior to leaving for the trip to South Dakota when this picture was taken. So many dye jobs were timed according to an event to attend or a trip to be take.

Sometimes when I look at myself in pictures it surprises me. Only lately have I started really recognizng it's me in pics. Obviously, my appearance looks different, completely different hair color, like I'm wearing a wig. I went my entire life with brown hair. Honestly, the white/grey/silver hair still feels foreign occasionally. But those occasions are happening less and less.

Two and a half years later and my hair is essentially the same style and lenth as it was back when I started this process. But it's silver. And I'm completely dye free. It's wild. It's me.